Salt and Pepper; a Tale for the Seasoned

Salt and Pepper

Dedicated to Corn Cob

Once upon a time, two condiments were sitting innocently in their spot in the cupboard. It was their usual space, where they could always be found when they weren’t on the table. The PB&J and Honey were their neighbors, but they rarely paid any attention to our two condiments; PB&J had been having unsanctioned outings with Jelly and Honey was still angry with him. On the other side of the cupboard, an assortment of spices was gathered in a gossip group. They would occasionally acknowledge their two neighbors, but that was rare.
     For the most part, these two condiments were quietly content with each other’s company. Their names were Salt and Pepper and they were happy in their peaceful world.
     Little did they know, this world was about to change.

On a rainy Tuesday afternoon-- they knew it was raining because the hurtling drops could be heard at the window and they knew it was Tuesday because the Taco seasoning had been used-- an intruder entered the cupboard. A short, square container of cheap plastic was placed carelessly, bumping Salt towards Honey and Pepper towards the Oregano. Instantly, a strong scent began to permeate everything in the cupboard as the new, orange occupant demonstrated his capacity to be noticed. As if the poignant perfume hadn’t marred the tranquility of the cupboard sufficiently, this strange spice--called Cumin-- insisted on speaking incessantly. He told of his life in India, of the many curries he had made, of the stains he had mischievously made, and of anything else that came to mind.
     Salt and Pepper were at first confused, then tolerant, and finally indignant at the change. Cumin had to go. But what could they do? After the evening meal, Salt and Pepper were reunited and started their plotting.
     Then one night, in a moment of sheer brilliance, the solution came to Pepper. She disclosed her revelation to Salt during the privacy of the morning’s preparation of eggs. If Salt had been in possession of a diaphragm, he would have laughed hysterically at the ingeniousness of the plan. If they were clever enough, they might just pull it off.

Within a week, Cumin had mysteriously been taken from the cupboard. Salt and Pepper congratulated themselves on having restored order to their home. Despite his removal, the smell of Cumin lingered in the air. In time, Salt and Pepper began to miss the stories that Cumin had been constantly sharing. As they conversed about their success, Pepper expressed the tiniest tinge of regret at having implemented her scheme. It was made worse by the realization that the reason Cumin had so many stories was because he had been driven out of so many kitchens.
     Eventually, Salt and Pepper couldn’t smell the remains of Cumin’s colorful perfume without being filled with a sense of shame. Considering the fact that this scent was still prevalent in the cupboard, their days were fairly miserable.

So when, on a snowy Saturday morning-- they knew it was snowing because of the chill that entered even their little cupboard and they knew it was Saturday because the children had been ransacking the cupboard to make cookies-- a tall cylindrical container labelled “Asafoetida” was shoved into the cupboard, Salt and Pepper gently smiled (even though Salt had been slammed into PB&J and Pepper was knocked clear over to Cinnamon). It was a welcome intrusion.